The Hidden Hardships of University Life

An honest account of my Undergraduate studies, with the reassurance that you'll succeed no matter what!

I really tried to not make this article sound like a ‘Dear Diary’ post, but it was difficult to avoid when recounting the personal and academic events which shaped my university experience.

However, although I found it therapeutic to recall the highs and lows of my undergraduate studies, I primarily wanted to highlight the pros and cons of further education for all students out there, to reassure them that they’re not alone in this amazing - yet sometimes hugely overwhelming - chapter of their lives.

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You may disagree with me, but I believe the university lifestyle has largely been presented as this uplifting, fulfilling, and thoroughly enjoyable experience, as well as a compulsory next-step for those wishing to succeed in their careers. It’s perceived within social media and society as a whole to be unavoidable, necessary, and something students must enjoy and excel at.

Whilst university can be an immensely gratifying and fondly-remembered time for many (including myself), it cannot always be a bed of roses. Upon speaking to other academics and listening to their own struggles within further education, I realised that the darker side of university life was often ignored in favour of academic achievements and the hilarious antics of messy nights out. My own interactions with friends and scholars, (many of whom are hugely successful in their fields!), revealed that pressures, failures, and mental struggles are a major part of many students’ experiences, yet it is only upon graduation or after dropping out of university entirely, that people have felt comfortable enough to share the challenges they faced.

It’s never easy to discuss emotions and experiences such as these, so I’m hugely grateful to everyone who shared their stories with me. Yet I believe that by discussing these more negative elements of the university lifestyle, we can reassure students today that they’re not alone; they’re not failures, and that no doomed relationship, failed assignment, or criticism will ever define you as a person or as a professional.

So ta-dah! Here is an honest account of my time as an undergraduate History student, which I hope will prove that you can still succeed in the history sector, despite missing the odd assignment or two…

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First of all, I have to confess that studying history academically was completely new to me. I never studied the subject at GCSE or A-level, with my only experience being popular history books and volunteering at heritage sites. I naively saw myself consuming popular history content and creating essays in the style of Alison Weir, (who was my biggest inspiration at the time). Thus the prospect of reading scholarly books was entirely novel, and I struggled to grasp this whole new way of reading and writing history. The concept of understanding the ‘method’ of history also boggled me! I just enjoyed reading, writing, watching and talking about the past - why did I have research the various research methods and styles too?!

When it came to writing my first assignment, I vividly remember being uninspired and hugely out of my depth. I scribbled a measly 1000 words and half-heartedly jotted down five references in my bibliography. Surprisingly I received a decent grade for that piece of work! Yet I think my tutor took pity of me during my first assignment, and gently hinted towards numerous areas in which I needed to improve if I ever dreamed of excelling in my degree. Basically, I needed to pull my finger out and put more work into my assignments, because no more pity-grades were coming my way!

I certainly realised that the hard way as my first year progressed. For someone whose teenage years were plagued by bullying, isolation, sickness and low self-esteem, the friendships and social life offered at university was like a breath of fresh air! Suddenly this timid introvert became a party queen, who spent many nights prioritising cheap booze, tacky nightclubs and hungover hangouts with my new-found friends. Leaving my assignments last minute, I often found myself surviving off of energy drinks and cigarettes at 2am, whilst desperately trying to put an essay together.

Of course, I will always cherish my university friends and I would never change my experiences with them for the world, because they taught me more about myself which academia never will, and helped me become the person I am today. Yet I can still remember that dreadful sinking feeling upon discovering that I had missed a deadline by several days! I may have a BA and MA to my name, but you wouldn’t know that I also submitted several assignments with the grade of 30% or less! Fortunately, first year at university didn’t affect your degree too much, so the odd ‘pass’ now and then wasn’t a disaster. Realising that the remaining years of study would influence my overall grade, my second and third years were luckily free from missed deadlines and feeble essays.

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I will always be grateful to my undergraduate studies for broadening my horizons and developing my love for the past. I am obsessed with the 16th century, yet tragically the sole lecturer in early-modern history left for pastures new by the time I enrolled, so I quickly had to choose other topics which I had never delved into before. It was during this time that my fascination for 20th century warfare, early medieval royalty, 17th century civil war and 19th century freak shows was born - and I have never looked back! It pushed me out of my comfort zone, yet opened my eyes to periods in time which intrigued me just as much as those terrible Tudors. I found myself engaging with sources and historians which I have never encountered before, and my confidence in the field boosted rapidly! I was still painfully quiet and unsure of myself in seminars; terrified of speaking out in case I made a fool of myself. Yet my presentations were always praised, and my grades (thankfully!) improved.

However, dissertation-time appeared all too soon, and I found myself absolutely flummoxed! What was I going to write about?! I couldn’t explore my favourite topic due to lack of lecturers, and despite my developing appreciation for other historical periods, I couldn’t speak/read other languages and I still felt like an ill-informed amateur. Scrambling around for inspiration, I finally decided to centre my dissertation on the British royal family during the Second World War, and how the change in monarch following Edward VIII’s abdication impacted upon morale. Monarchy, social history, Wallis Simpson - I couldn’t wait to get started!

Sadly, the development of my dissertation wasn’t smooth sailing. I hate to say it, but my supervisor was inadequate to say the least! My topic obviously didn’t interest them. Many times I strived to arrange a catch-up session, only to be left waiting outside their locked office. They had forgotten all about me not once, but three times! When I was ‘lucky’ enough to see them face-to-face, I received lacklustre advice at best. To say I felt lost, stressed and demotivated is an understatement.

Navigating a relatively ‘new’ topic without much guidance, I became unhealthily fixated on my dissertation. The reckless party animal was replaced by an obsessive recluse. Terrified of failure, my time was dominated by endless hours of research and writing. Any moment away from my dissertation felt like time wasted. I couldn’t risk another failed assignment or average grade - it had to be the best! I had to prove to everyone - especially my disinterested supervisor - that I could write a damn good essay, and that I was a capable historian. My physical and mental health deteriorated during this time, as my social life suffered and my weight plummeted. My determination to prove myself had brought my self-confidence to whole new low.

Finally, my dissertation was submitted and I received a commendable 2:1 for my degree. I was (and still am), immensely proud of my achievements, and applaud myself for writing a fairly decent dissertation practically on my own! Yet it was far from easy, and the consequences of this chapter in my life would affect me for many years to come.

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Despite enduring a lot during my final years at university, I still appreciated the amazing friendships I made and the countless experiences I enjoyed. My historical knowledge had deepened tremendously, and my confidence in studying history and working within heritage had strengthened despite the challenges - or maybe because of them, who knows?! Before I had even graduated I was offered a job at Hampton Court Palace, which not only set me upon my chosen career path, but also allowed me to use my degree and passion for history within the workplace. I realised then how lucky I was to be given that opportunity, and despite the numerous instances of poor performance, failed attempts, and mental health struggles, I was still able to excel within the world of history and heritage, and achieve my dream of becoming a historian.

I also wasn’t put off further education entirely, as I have recently finished my History MA with Distinction, (the experiences of which I will also discuss in a future post).

Far from being an opportunity of blow my own trumpet, I hope this article proves to all my readers and fellow students out there, that behind the celebratory posts and academic achievements there have been just as many hidden hardships and stumbling blocks. It wasn’t all high grades and praise - far from it! But despite the challenges, no missed deadline or lack of support; no amount of low self-esteem or reckless mistake, ever defined my abilities as an historian!

Therefore, if you too are struggling at university and feel unsure of yourself, please rest assured that you are not on your own! Many academics, including myself, have faced criticism, failure and doubt. And despite what social media and the world tells you, university is not a period of constant highs and achievements. There will be snippets of uncertainty alongside moments of elation. But always know that you will succeed, regardless of the obstacles, and that you’re surrounded by so many others who have experienced what you’re going through, have still excelled against the odds, and will always support you in obtaining the same.

So reach out, hold your head up high, and never forget that you’ve got this!